Photograph
by VerelLupin
Summary: Spoilers for Season 3 Finale. Rick finds a photograph and remembers what could have been.


**I cried so much, it was like someone I knew had died. My whole family was in shock. I actually went to work the next day and could not function. I know that is extreme but I've been so disappointed with how so many of my shows are going lately (walking dead, once upon a time, vampire diaries, chicago fire, I could go on...) that this was the straw that broke the camel's back.**

**Anyway I was so depressed I wrote this because I hate how they are all ready to ship Rick with Michonne. (NO! She is his BFF same as Daryl)(rant over)  
**

**I will finish Not Ever The Same but it will be AU once Andrea reaches the prison. I need to write another ending for my own sanity and I'm sure my fellow Rickdrea shippers.**

**Enjoy...(I apologize in advance if it makes you weepy)**

* * *

"Carol, where is the ammo for the shotguns?" Rick asked.

"In that bag right there." She said pointing to the far left of the gate.

"Thanks." He replied gruffly and crouched next to the piles of supplies that had been brought back into the prison.

He moved around some of the lower caliber ammo until he found the boxes of buckshot. He pulled out two and began rearranging the rest when a piece of paper got snagged on his watch.

Rick carefully pulled his hand out and gently untangled the paper only to discover that it wasn't paper but a very worn Polaroid. He glanced at it quickly then tucked it into his shirt pocket and closed the bag. He hastily got to his feet and before he could leave Carol asked. "Did you find what you needed?"

"Yeah, I did."

"You all right?" Hershel asked him later that night as they prepared to turn in.

"Yeah. I'm fine just tired is all."

"Well, get some rest you'll need it come the morning. We need to do a supply run soon."

"Have Beth and Carol write down what we need and Daryl and I will take care of it."

Hershel nodded and wished him a good night.

Rick stayed on his bunk for almost ten minutes before the restlessness got to him and forced him out of it. Daryl, who rarely slept, stood up from his bedroll and met him at the stairs.

"Anything wrong?"

Rick shook his head and ran his hand over his bearded face. "Nothing a little sleep couldn't cure."

"Then get some."

"I can't."

"Yeah, don't think any of us will for a while." He said pointing to Michonne standing guard at the nearest window.

"I know."

"It's okay to be sad. She was family too." Rick thought of the photo in his pocket but couldn't speak past the sudden knot in his throat. "Night." Daryl said sensing that there would be no response from the too tired Sheriff.

Rick stood there for a second but moved once Michonne approached him, he wasn't ready to talk to anyone, especially her. He inclined his head to acknowledge her presence then walked out to the abandoned prison yard.

He looked around, saw that it was clear and only then did he pull out the photo.

It was wrinkled and some of the backing had already begun to curl but it was still in pretty good shape and he could recall with painful clarity the day it had been taken.

It had been at their first campsite and someone had jokingly suggested they use Daryl's pickup as a backdrop and they had just to piss him off. It had also been the last frivolous day they'd had, although they hadn't known it at the time.

That was the day it was decided to go back to Atlanta to get Merle and before they lost Jim and Amy.

He thought about that day and he could almost feel the warmth of the sun on their faces as they waited for Carol to snap the picture. Hear the voices talking and laughing. He looked at each and every face frozen in time and finally let the tears he'd been holding in fall.

'_Come on guys, move in closer.'_

'_Just take the damm thing already,' someone shouted._

'_Daryl just hold still a second longer.'_

'_Do we even know if that thing works?" Shane asked._

'_Can't hurt to try and it be a nice memento.' Dale replied._

'_Lori and Glen get closer so Dale and Jacqui can squeeze in.' Carol yelled._

'_Where do I stand?' T-Dog asked._

'_Just stay there.' Jim said from behind Andrea._

'_Carl, honey stand closer to Sophia,' Lori said fixing his hair._

_Sophia blushed and hunched close but Carl just squeezed in between his parents._

'_Come on Carol, hurry up.'_

'_Hold on Daryl,' Carol said. 'Andrea move closer to Rick.'_

'_Carol, if I get any closer, I'll be in his lap.' Andrea replied with a grin that earned her some catcalls, a dirty look from Lori and a quick playful squeeze on her shoulder from Rick._

'_All of you be quiet. Okay, 1,2,3 Cheese!'_

'_Cheese!' they all shouted._

_Carol shook the Polaroid and everybody crowded around to see it. _

'_Not too bad,' Daryl said._

'_I think it looks nice, good job Carol.' Dale said._

_One by one, each member of the group commented then wandered off to their assigned duties until only Andrea, Rick and Carol remained._

'_It was nice to get away from everything even if it was just for a second.' Andrea said wistfully._

'_At least we'll always have this.' Rick said gazing at her. _

"_Dad, mom wants you." Carl said running up to them._

'_You should go, we'll be right behind you." _

_He glanced between the two women and with a sigh followed his son back but not before hearing Carol say to Andrea, "I think you should hold onto this."_

Rick ran his hand through his hair to shake away the memory but no matter what he did, he couldn't get that little smile she'd thrown him when she thought he wasn't looking out of his head. Hell he could still feel the pressure of her soft body as she leaned on his leg seconds before it was captured on film.

Rick knew then that Andrea was dangerous to him and he'd made every effort to stay away from her or only approached her when others were around. It was the only way to keep from remembering and replicating that rush of desire that had coursed through his skin and made him forget that his wife was sitting right next to him.

He gripped the top of his python in an effort to keep away the rawness of what had transpired earlier at Woodbury, now that he was allowing himself to think about it, and he could have sworn that it was still warm from her hand.

_He knew he should have left her alone but seeing her standing around by their makeshift firing range all by herself, had made it impossible for him to keep on walking without finding out if something was wrong. If there was, he couldn't give up a chance to help her any way he could._

'_You still have that?' he asked joining her as she set up new targets on the fence._

'_I like to remember I was happy once.'_

'_I know the feeling, may I?'_

_Andrea handed the photo over and continued putting up a few cans. He glanced at the photo briefly not wanting to waste the opportunity to covertly admire her. He scolded himself thoroughly for giving in and seeking her out but refused to leave her looking so forlorn._

_He gave the picture back but he didn't want to leave her side just yet and after everything that had happened with Lori, he just needed a friendly face. 'I wish we still had that old camera, it would be nice to get a picture of the new baby, once its here.'_

'_That's awful nice of you.' She said bitterly and squeezed off several more shots that expertly knocked down all but two cans._

_He pulled out his own gun and handed it to her, 'nice? Its my child.'_

_She took it and shot off the last two. 'You sure about that,' she said and stopped to reload but he put his hand over the chamber and she turned to face him._

'_What do you mean by that?'_

'_Come on, Rick don't play dumb.' She replied but his face remained blank. 'Oh my God, you don't know…I'm so sorry. I thought…it was so obvious to the rest of us but you-"_

'_What is so obvious to the rest of you, Andrea?'_

'_Shane and Lori, they've been…since camp. I thought they were together, everybody did and then you showed up and…I thought you knew-and that was why in Atlanta-" she trailed off again unable to keep staring into his intense blue eyes._

'_I know.' He said and let her go, 'I just pretend I don't. It's easier.'_

'_Easier? For whom, Lori? Shane?'_

'_For me,' he said roughly._

'_How? Why would you willingly blind yourself to that?'_

'_Drop it,' he growled and stalked away but she wasn't like Lori and he hadn't counted on her running after him._

'_Rick, wait! Rick!' she caught up to him and threw herself across his path. 'I am not your wife and I will not be left in the middle of goddamm conversation talking to myself. How can you think pretending that your wife and best friend aren't having an affair make things easier for you.'_

'_Because if I acknowledge or accept what they did then I won't feel guilty.' _

'_What you could positively feel guilty about?' _

'_This.' He said sliding a hand onto her neck and pulling her towards him. 'And this,' he whispered onto her lips before gently brushing them with his own. _

_As soon as he released her she backed away from him. 'How long?' _

'_Since you asked me if it was wrong to take a necklace for your kid sister and its only grown stronger. Every time I lent you my gun for practice," she glanced at his empty holster but he made no move to take back his gun from her._

"_Every time you stood up for yourself and forced us to treat you like a person instead of some helpless female but its been leading to this," he held her hand, "since we took that picture.'_

'_The picture?' she asked numbly._

'_I saw what I could have, what I was missing and I think you felt it too, isn't that why you kept it?' She nodded, 'but then Carl got shot and Lori found out she was pregnant and now it's gone and I wanted to at least tell you, show you. I knew it was selfish but I wanted to give you a kiss goodbye.'_

'_Rick, you are the least selfish person I know but if you're going to blow me off from now on then at least have the decency to give me a damm good kiss. I deserve to give my dreams a good send off.' She replied._

_He did kiss her, again and again until her mouth was bruised and her neck and throat were lavished with his single-minded attention but it was she who ultimately laid them down on the grass beneath the giant tree. She who talked him into seeing and touching more of her while she efficiently stripped him of his clothes as he had stripped her of her feelings._

'_I can't offer you more, this is all I got.' he said taking possession of the milky white skin that was beginning to freckle and tan beneath the hot Georgia sun._

'_This is enough.' She replied and tangled her hands in his curly hair and pulled it as he hit a particularly sensitive spot on her rib cage._

'_I don't deserve you.' He whispered dragging the whiskers of his beginning beard all over her stomach and down to the blond curls he'd only dreamed of touching._

'_Don't say that,' she cried as he got a good grip on her hips and his head disappeared between her thighs. 'Don't have much time,' she said in between gasps as he swirled his tongue inside her._

'_I wish we did,' he said and gave her one last kiss that forced her muscles to tremble in surrender._

_She managed one watery smile and he suckled and tasted his way back up her body until every bit of her was covered in rough Rick marks of ownership. 'One last time?'_

'_For now.' He said and claimed her body as thoroughly as she had claimed him._

_Andrea tilted her hips and hitched one leg up higher on his slim frame and he anchored it with his hand and rose a little on his knees to gain better leverage and push into her as deeply as he could. _

_She held their rhythm and he kept up their punishing pace until the sweat beaded on his forehead and she tightened on him. He slowed down just enough to slide a hand between them and she came apart with one long shudder that dragged him with her._

_He slumped on top of her and she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and held him to her as long as she could. Eventually he removed his face from her neck and placed a quick kiss on her mouth, 'we should get up soon.'_

'_I don't want to.'_

'_They'll come looking for us.' He said but moved only enough to adjust his weight so it didn't crush her._

'_I know.' She said kissing the top of his head where it lay on her breast._

'_This means more than sex…' _

_She didn't say anything and he sat up with his back to her. 'I love you, Andrea.'_

_She sat up also and leaned on his cool back. 'I know that.'_

'_In a different life-" _

'_No, there is not other life. Just this one and I'll will let you ruin this because we can't have more of it and you aren't this type of man and I can't be this type of woman.' She said standing up and slipping into her clothes angrily._

'_Andrea,' he pleaded._

'_Get dressed and then we can pretend this didn't happen.'_

_He stood up but instead of getting dressed he stood in front of her, naked as the day he was born, barring her path like she had barred his. 'I will never forget and I know you won't either. I don't want to…ever and if that means you hate me fine. But what we did was not out of lust or as payback for what Lori did to me.'_

_He grabbed one of her hands and placed it on his chest, 'it was out of love and in another life, I would marry you and raise a family but I can't here because I'm responsible for the whole group whether I want to or not and that means I can't be selfish. Not for you or me and it kills me.'_

_She looked away from him and only then did he get dressed. Once presentable they began to walk back to the camp, "you forgot your gun.' She said and put it into the holster for him._

'_Our gun.' He replied and kissed her once more._

'_I love you too.'_

'_I know.' He answered._

"Rick?"

"Hey."

"Daryl said you'd been out here for a while."

"Needed some time," he replied.

"Seen anything?"

"No, Lori's been gone since we came back."

"I wasn't talking about Lori."

"I know."

"Was it a mistake to give that back to you," Michonne asked eyeing the gun.

"No. I'll be fine," he said surprised to see that he'd been staring into the barrel of his gun this whole time that he'd been reminiscing. No wonder Michonne was looking at him warily.

"Mind if I stay out here."

"Doesn't sound like you're asking." He replied and placed the python back into his holster.

"I'm not. She told me not to leave you alone. Said you liked to dwell."

"She would." He said and stared off into the yard with its ambling decorations. Neither one had to say which "she" they were referring to.

"She loved you. Told me so back when I found her."

"I never told her."

"You didn't have to."

"I should have." He said and handed Michonne the photo that had started it all.

Michonne studied the lack of distance between the blonde and the sheriff, "its pretty obvious."

"I guess it is." He said and ripped off the part with him, her and Carl, "Do me a favor, give this back to Carol when you have a chance."

"What do I tell her?"

"Tell her I kept the important part."

Michonne took the piece he'd ripped away and left him.

"**You lied to her."** Andrea said.

"I did."

"**You told me you loved me all the time."** Andrea muttered and sat down beside him, **"but that's not what I'm talking about."**

"Didn't feel like it. I should have shown it more." He answered evading her comment.

"**Yeah you should have."** She bumped his shoulder and he smiled.

"I wanted to save you, make a new life with you. Almost made it."

"**I know that too."**

"When my time comes, will you be here?"

Andrea entwined her fingers with his, **"I know how the safety works."**

"I know." He squeezed her hand and headed back to the prison.

"**Rick!"**

He turned and she threw her arms around him and for that moment she felt real. She was real and not a hallucination brought on by his broken mind.

"**Kiss goodbye."** She said and he did.

Michonne kept her arms around him until sheer exhaustion and heartbreak made him pass out. Daryl heard Michonne's struggles, came to investigate and between the two of them carried him to his cot.

They watched over him and neither said a word in the morning when he asked how he'd gotten back to his cell. Both refused to mention, even to each other, that in his moment of desperation, Rick had mistaken Michonne for Andrea.

However Rick suprised them when he spoke from deep within his cell, "Michonne?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"I didn't do anything." Michonne said puzzled.

"Thanks just the same."

But maybe he hadn't.


End file.
